She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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