Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize