New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
