apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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