I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
