I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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