We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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