i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
