Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
