hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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