I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
