three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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