So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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