filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
