New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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