He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
