WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
