That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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