Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
