And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
