I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
