Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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