once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
