Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
