I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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