While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
