'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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