it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
