Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
