Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
