I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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