Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
