ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
