At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
