The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
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Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
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Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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