Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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