i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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