White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
