I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
