he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
