the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
