Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The uberlube is also flammable
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
