the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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