first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
