She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
