yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
