sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
