So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
