my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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