mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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