so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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