So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize
