I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
