Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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