Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i now understand why vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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