And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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