the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
