census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
